It's been awhile..so said my whole existence

Maybe my New Years resolution should be to write more. Like the title said, it's been awhile! I really do want to write more, but writing is hard. It's really hard to put your thoughts out in the world and feel like they are completely lost, unimportant, or criticized. Just putting myself out there in any situation feels hard. I am naturally a very independent, introspective, quiet type.

I thought it might be a good time to catch up with everyone, being the new year. As you know I have four kids. They are all still alive and well. They currently have four bottle calves they are raising. The hubby and I hope this will teach them a good work ethic, and realization that farm animals needs come before our own comfort. Rain, shine, ice, or snow, they need fed twice a day.

The older two get it. Maggie, number three, who is four, is still learning.

2015 saw us purchase a house. A very expansive, big house, that needs work. It seemed like the perfect opportunity at the time.

 Obviously we are impulsive. We have four unplanned offspring.

The house is great, we both love it, despite my almost daily Dave Ramsey lecture I hear in my head. Its hard to reconcile my wish to live debt free, and the reality I married a farmer. For those of you unfamiliar to farming, Lots of $$$$$ owed + high risk = farming. Its a fun paradigm to live out. It teaches you to enjoy today, because tomorrow you could be broke with no house. Exciting times.

I joke about farming, and debt. I deal with jealousy a lot though. When I hear of people being debt free, or having a great stable good paying job, my heart yearns for that. I want that. Why didn't I marry a doctor again?

 I have had to learn to let go of the things I don't have and be happy with what I do have. My kids literally get to grow up living a lifestyle less that 1% of the population understands. They get to see new born baby calves, see the crops as they are being planted, grazed and harvested. They get to play on dirt mounds with nothing but sticks for toys. They get to witness the brutality and beauty of nature and the lives of animals. Hopefully this will teach to have tender hearts but not a bleeding heart. It will show them the suffering and beauty that is all tied up together. These will be concrete images to them, not abstract ideas.

They will know hard work, learned not from the long hours they spent at day care as their parents worked, but by the long hors they spent alongside their parents; working, talking, learning.

I guess it is all a tradeoff.

We have also been remodeling rent houses. It is a learning experience. My extensive HGTV and DIY network addiction has come in handy though. The guys were asking me on tips to hang cabinets. I have much more on this experience, but that is another post. Remodeling and house design really highlights the difference in the two sexes.

Well, there has been lots else going on, so I will have to put all that in another post! So stayed tuned. My life is riveting!

On lemons and lemonade

Ever heard the saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"...so annoying right?

 I mean who needs that kind of annoying positivity in their life. I know I am not alone in this sentiment, I have been validated by many internet memes, twisting the saying, into more realistic emotions, such as "When life gives you lemons, throw them at people"...or something along those lines.

The thing is, we all get handed lemons in life.

 Literally, as I am typing this, my three year old just peed all over my couch. Nice. Its a super fancy couch, totally not kid friendly, in any manner.

Anyway, we all get lemons. We should probably try to make the best out of every situation, and stay positive.

Throwing things at people is generally frowned upon. It may make us feel better for a bit, but we will regret it later.

 Its just nice to know that others have a hard time in life too. It's easy to look around and think everyone has such great lives, what is wrong with me? I guess, being a person is hard. I forget people usually only share the things that are good.

Nobody has it perfect. Even if they did, that's not for us to compare ourselves to. Comparing will just make us bitter and resentful. Then we will be wanting to buy a lemon bazuka to launch some dang lemons at those perfect people.

I guess the point of this post is to remind myself, that its OK to not have a perfect life, and it's OK to think on it at times. Think on it, get angry over it, but always remember to not stay in that place. If  I feel stuck in that place, that's when I have a real problem.

I hope I can move past wanting to throw lemons, to making lemonade.

Ridiculousness!!

Reading the news the last few days, there have been many topics I have wanted to write on, and many blog post written out in my head. I just have not found the time to actually write them. Annie has been pre-teething, a new term I just made up. It's when a baby shows all the signs of teething, but no tooth. Its like the pain with no gain.
Fun times.
So I sit here now, at my computer, the baby sleeps, finally getting to write.
The topics that have been blasting the news here lately are of course, Ebola, some more Ebola stories, and a few more Ebola stories. The Ebola crisis is full blown by this point. You would think an outbreak of the most deadly virus in the world would be a cause that would unite us all, but no, not in America. This outbreak has just highlighted how increasingly polarized out country is, how everything boils down to politics and political correctness.
It angers me. I could write hundreds of blogs, lambasting the stupidity of modern day America. I could decry the whole political machine we follow. I could do all that, but as I mentioned above, the time, and the reason I don't have any, I have four precious kids.
My kids are what derail my thoughts. In my bouts of anger, I am usually interrupted by someone needing a snack. My kids are what turn my thoughts to prayer, and sadness.
Just this morning, nursing my baby, I was reading an article on the bullying tactics of the LGBT community. I looked at my baby, realizing I might be the last generation of parents who raise their kids in a world where boys are boys and girls are girls. My kids are growing up in a world that is trying to force down all our throats that biological gender means nothing. That brings me such sadness.
It will be so confusing for little kids. I am a boy, why are you not calling me a boy, Why do I get in trouble for calling other boys boys? Why do I get in trouble for saying someone is a girl.
 It's happening. Just last week a story was out about a school district in Nebraska, tying to be more gender inclusive, boys and girls will no longer be referred to as 'boys and girls'. They are to be called "purple aliens" and boy and girl are to be referred to as the "b"word and the "g" word.
All in the name of political correctness. Our kids are used as pawns.
 Looking at my baby girl, I was in awe of the miracle that God made. It is not my prerogative to question her gender, he made her a female, how dare I cause her to question that, or plant seeds of doubt in her mind. It would be so blasphemous to me. How can we live in such a twisted world, ruled by nonsense. How do I fight it for the sake of my children?
All I know to do, is pray. Pray for wisdom, so when these new ideas are presented, the wisdom of God will guide my thoughts. I pray I hold fast to the gospel, to the word of God, it would speak the truth to me. I pray for Godly leaders within the faith community, Leaders that follow the scripture. Leaders that boldly speak the truth. I pray for my babies, that they will find their footing in God, and not be tossed by the changing tides of political correctness.
I know many of my readers are fellow moms. I would love to hear feed back.

the lost little blog

So, I did my first post, and I then tried to type another post yesterday, but decided my subject topic was too intense for a new blog, and I didn't really know where I was going with it, or my blog in general. I have no real, solid direction, or specific subject matter I plan on sticking to.
All the blogs I follow have a basic subject that is their main theme, but they also write on any subject as they see fit, and let the reader into their lives. I think that is what makes a blog so interesting, is getting a peak at someone else's life. Is it sad I really enjoy reading what other moms feed their kids for lunch? I know how lame this makes me look.
I am a mom though, and we tend to get a rap for being lame. I wish I could be cooler, but I am too tired. I am almost too tired to care what I wear. I totally understand mom jeans at this point in my life. Mom's have so many cool strikes against them, one more for wearing ridiculously ugly jeans seems not to matter too much. Plus, who has the time to go shopping for jeans. Plus, who wants to go shopping at all after having a baby. Plus, jeans suck anyway.
I hope my blog finds a niche. I hope I get a nap today. I hope to make the world a better place. I hope to care for my neighbor, and fellow man. I hope to never loose hope.

P.S.- I hope to not be so random at some point!

Room for more

I know. I started a blog. Everyone has a blog. How expected.
Maybe.
I'm sorry to be the cause of your eye rolling today, buy my mind is full. It needs a wide open space to run wild and be crazy, kind of like a puppy.
Unlocked is how I imagine this blog. Being a mom, who spends most of her time at home, with a baby and toddler, I need a space where I can be unlocked from my life. I feel like a prisoner some days, but I am actually cool with that. I think God works in the quiet moments in life. Embracing the solitude allows me time to think, grow, cry, and very rarely, nap!
God has given me a busy mind, and it has no shut off. It needs a place to expel some of it busyness and constantly changing states. I do not call myself a writer. I am probably not very entertaining. I will probably be very bad at this, and fail more often than I succeed. All I know is that, writing is hard for me. I really don't like putting my most personal, inward thoughts out in the world. What will people think? They will laugh at me, mark me as weird, too intense, not worth their time.
 I have to do this is all I know. God is leading, so I will follow. Even though I have argued a thousand times it's a bad idea.  So, please read, at least a few times. Tell me what you think, and feel free to share your thoughts.